I didn’t expect to post about Henrik so soon, but life is often unpredictable. Before you read my wordpress posts, just remember that tears, rage, very heart-wrenching stories are everyday dramas for me. Ready?

“Pandora, how is Henrik’s behavior in your class? He is acting out in mine and I think we need a conference about his emotions.” so said Henrik’s class teacher.

I nodded, it’s about time to make sure sensitivity is relished as a gift in this rough world.

When I met Henrik in our first sessions, I already knew he was a sensitive child just like I am. The love of harmony, the plethora of emotions, the burning curiosity, the wits and the need for a time-out. Raising us are probably headaches, and such is probably the case for Henrik’s parents, who do not process and do not like to handle the many emotions that he relate.

Being sensitive is both a gift and a burden. On one hand, we are excellent listeners because we can sniff out your state of emotions right away and relate to you in your rant, but on the other hand, because we process so many feelings, if there wasn’t an outlet for us to unwind, this only spells toxic as our mental states flood with repressed thoughts. Unfortunately, many people don’t understand this gift (and burden) of sensivity and felt we needed some toughening up.

Fortunately, my creative family, especially my collaborator, sense my sensitivity and see that as a gift in the world of creative writing. But imagine if you don’t have that outlet, imagine if you cannot release negative emotions all day, what would you do?

Such was Henrik’s case. Needless to say, he began to act out in school and home. On a good day, it may be peels of laughter from reading an interesting book, but on a bad day, or currently, it was temper tantrums. The frustration, the tears, all of them roaming over the supposedly peaceful classroom.

Now, I want to bring your attention to crying. For most times, we all cry because we want to release all these toxic emotions. However, in Henrik’s case, he has mastered using tears to manipulate others to give into what he wants (e.g. attention). Yet, beneath that manipulation, lays a sensitive soul hoping to have love and care. Perhaps, because he hasn’t learned to express his emotions in words, e.g. “I had a bad day, I am very angry,” or perhaps, because he is afraid expressing them, especially in today’s world where guys are supposed to be tough.

It was afternoon. Henrik ran down to my room, choosing his book to read. I admit he negotiates with me with his wits and looks all the time to get away with *easier* work. but he is never angry nor mute with me on emotions. Perhaps, because we always ask each other whenever we sense something wrong with one another, or perhaps, because hugs and drawings are commonplace in my room.

As he asked a book home, I can only hope that sensitivity will be valued as a gift in today’s crazy world, because I bet that sensitive friend, child or other half of yours will, or have inspired and touched many.

FYI on sensitive children: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creative-development/201106/the-highly-sensitive-child

DISCLAIMER: Due to privacy reasons, all names mentioned are changed and I am writing under a pseudonym. In addition, I am not a qualified counselor or psychologist. All comments/analysis are based on my experience and research on Psychology Today or other related magazines.

This is the (not so) first wordpress blog. For those who know me, I am an educator by day and creative writer by night. However, since we are in the cyberworld, it’s much better to see me as a writer.

Now, let’s reel into my life: I am a survivor of emotional abuse who happen to decipher and encounter a lot of famiy politicsin my life. I will only blog about the touching, heartbreaking and often toxic politics that I encounter here. If you are interested in my experience with abuse or creative writing, please check out my fictional autobiography Ete at http://allpoetry.com/column/10278929-été-by-gothchyld and my creative portfolio at http://allpoetry.com/gothchyld .

Now, onto the dramas!

Henrik sits down on the chair as we choose our book to read. To a lot of outsiders, Henrik is a friendly and curious boy with low self-confidence. He would be on the football team and basketball class, but crying whenever he got hit by the ball.

For a lot of boys, this is just an eventual process of toughening up. But for Henrik, I can totally how our sensitivity is mistaken as a sign of weakness.

When I was young, I would also burst into teras when lectures become too overwhelming, or when an event becomes too touching. My parents, who are not programmed with this gift and burden of sensitivity, also perceive my tears as an issue to be corrected, especially in this ruthless world of power struggles. For a long time, I would be scolded for crying and told to be toughened up. It was only years later when they figured out that as a sensitive person, I just process more emotions than others,  so tears are only a means of releasing the many feelings I feel. Also, I bet all sensitive individuals are also programmed with a tough side, just like how I can operate on silk and steel mode depending on whether I am writing or teaching.

So for him, crying is perhaps a  means of releasing the many pressures of his life and the many emotions he process while having a conversation, or a kick with so and so.

And so we began our sessions with another rhyme to choose which book to read, because Henrik knows in this room, there are never pressures to act tough or be perfect, because we are both in the race to achieve another awesome reading grade level, not to compete.

Psalm 139:14″ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well.”

DISCLAIMER: All names have been changed for privacy reasons, and I am not a psychologist so this only my stories.